The First Time and the Last
by Kuroi-cho-tsuki-shiro
Summary: "I will let you go. Into the depths of hell if you desire," Byakuya promised, and so Rukia chooses to follow Kaien into his last battle. A series of shorts based on the story of Bleach from Rukia's point of view. 30
1. Chapter 1

The bright spring blossomed into summer, then rolled on into a mild, wet autumn that flooded the slums of Rukongai and dampened Kaien and Rukia's resolve to train in the mountains. Instead, they worked in the _dojo _on basic sword skills and often retired early.

Because she worked closely with Kaien, despite her rank Rukia was often required to attend officers' meetings and, of an evening, it became customary for her to sojourn with him and their captain. She had not grown close to anyone else in the squad, having made no particular mark in terms of skills and aptitudes, and she had only once been to the real world in a support role for Third Seat Kiyone. Yet, in some small way, she felt she was of use to the squad.

Tonight, they were seated in Ukitake's quarters: a large guestroom with drapes. The evening air was humid and it laithed in through the open window. Ukitake was discussing the retirement of an officer who had been drafted to the real world for several months. His two Third Seats, one rank below Kaien, were animatedly agreeing with everything he said.

"What about Rukia?" asked Kaien.

A silence fell. The eyes of the two Third Seats drifted towards Rukia where she was seated beside the vice-captain. "I'm serious, Ukitake-_taichou. _It needn't be a position of great responsibility. I know she lacks experience, but her skills outrank those of most of our seated officers now, present company excluded."

Rukia's eyes had gone wide. She took a sharper than usual swig from the cup of sake she held and started to cough. Ukitake smiled but addressed Kaien:

"I realise that, but, as you are well aware, I would rather Kuchiki Rukia remained in her current post. Unless she has any objection."

"No, Sir," she managed.

"Come on, Juushiro," Kaien said, breaking rank to call Ukitake by his forename: "This division doesn't take orders from Squad Six."

"Indeed, no."

"Then why?"

"You may want to reserve this conversation for another time," said Ukitake with a note of warning, but Rukia had heard only one thing in the exchange:

"Squad Six? What has my brother got to do with this?"

Kaien's expression was cool, but his eyes were triumphant. A patient man, the captain sighed and set down his cup.

"Shiba believes you have a right to know and, in truth, I tend to agree, but please" – he threw a warning glance at Kaien – "Remember that I am breaking my word to tell you this and I would prefer it if you took it no further than this room. When Byakuya first recommended you for this squad, he did so on one condition: that you were not to be granted an officer's rank. I agreed because I am well aware that my refusal would have resulted in his doing all in his power to stop you joining the _Gotei _Thirteen."

"What?" She stared: "Why?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"He wants to protect you," said Kaien through gritted teeth. Rukia turned to stare at him:

"This is Byakuya we're talking about, right? That man has never shown the slightest interest in my well-being."

"Kuchiki-_taichou _may play his cards close to his chest," said Ukitake: "And I may not agree with his methods, but his intentions in this case, at least, cannot be faulted. He is afraid to lose you. He has lost others that were in his life, and he thinks that an officer's rank would place you in danger. He is probably right."

"No. When I first joined Thirteenth Division, the first thing he asked me was what number seat I had taken. He expected me to rank as an officer, and I – I disappointed him in that respect." Her captain and vice-captain exchanged glances.

"Rukia," Kaien said gently: "He was checking to see that Ukitake had kept his word."

"But he's never been interested in anything I do!" she burst out. She coloured when Ukitake's pale eyes fell on her and remained longer than strictly necessary:

"He has asked for a report on your progress every week since you took this post."

"Byakuya _Nii-sama?"_

"He has made it clear to me that he does not agree with your choices, but he has, at least, respected them, Rukia, and has taken every interest in your work."

"Although he's not beyond sabotaging her promotion," muttered Kaien.

"As I said, I cannot condone his methods," Ukitake began, but, as he leaned forward to pour himself another cup of sake, the screen door slammed aside and a _shinigami _dropped to his knees on the threshold, bowing his head to Ukitake as he barked out a rapid report:

"The Fourth and Thirteenth Division teams dispatched to the human world were attacked by hollow. There was only one survivor. They are bringing her back through the _dangai _now." He looked up at his vice-captain: "Your wife, Kaien-_dono. _She'll be taken to Fourth Division."

The room erupted. Kaien was on his feet, all but stepping over the messenger to get outside. Ukitake's face had gone pale as marble and he seemed to sag, even as the two Third Seats moved to his side. It was easy to forget that the captain was a man with frail health. He usually hid it well, but, within minutes, he seemed to have aged a hundred years. He let his Third Seats help him to his feet. Rukia, without thinking, went after Kaien.

In the medical quarters of Fourth Division, Miyako Shiba lay on a high bed in an otherwise empty room. There was no mark on her body, no trace of a struggle in her clothes or her immaculately braided hair. They had folded her hands across her belly and Rukia found herself unwillingly reminded of a corpse laid out for an elaborate funeral. She had not followed Kaien into the room. The moment seemed to intimate for her to intrude upon, so she stood waiting in the doorway.

He had been told that he could not touch her. They did not yet understand the nature or extent of her injuries.

Kaien walked slowly to the bed, his hands at his sides. He was a tall man, broad-shouldered, and he seemed to tower over the woman who lay there. Rukia had never known a space that did not seem smaller the moment he entered. She watched this man whom she had come to equate with all the strength and certainty she didn't herself possess, stop, his whole body unnaturally still. As she watched, he crumpled, falling to his knees and gripping his chest. He began to shake with silent sobs. Rukia's own hand closed spasmodically on the doorframe. She was unable to go to him, but incapable of walking away, while behind her, on the decking outside, the two Third Seats were talking, voicing the very doubts that were almost certainly the cause of Kaien's despair.

"It's unlikely, isn't it, that a hollow would leave a survivor. In plain view, they said."

"That was Ukitake's concern. They'll need to find out what happened when she wakes up."

"If she wakes up."

"And if it's actually her."

They fell silent and Rukia, sensing a familiar presence, turned. Byakuya was standing at the base of the decking, watching her.

"_Nii-sama," _she whispered.

He didn't acknowledge her, but his eyes flickered to the two Third Seats and they bowed in unison, their hands on their knees.

"I spoke with Ukitake," he said: "Have you anything more to report?"

"No. There's no change. Nothing physically wrong with her, but the surgeons can't wake her."

Byakuya nodded and glanced at Rukia:

"It's late," he said.

"I promised Kaien-_dono _that I would wait."

"It's alright, Rukia," said a voice from behind her. She turned. Kaien was standing in the doorway. He'd made no effort to hide his grief and was rubbing his mouth with the back of his hand: "I need to speak to Ukiatke-_taichou _and then, I don't know, but you should go home, get some sleep. There's nothing you can do here."

"I couldn't possibly sleep, knowing that she's" –

"Your vice-captain has asked you to leave," said Byakuya without looking at her. She stiffened and balled her hands into fists. Kaien's gaze had fallen to the floor. He seemed only half aware of their exchange and, in light of his resignation, she could think of no more objections:

"Of course, _Nii-sama." _Her footfalls were brittle on the stairs.


	2. Chapter 2

She slept fitfully and was woken in the early hours of the morning by a sudden change in the spiritual pressure around her. A wall of white sound swept over her, causing every hair on her body to stand on end, and she sat bolt upright, the blankets drawn up to her chest.

There was a shadow behind the paper screens. Byakuya was making no effort to hide his _reiatsu _and the result was a doubling of the pressure in the room. She rose, panting, to her feet and tip-toed to the wardrobe, pulling on a long _juban._

Her brother had drawn his sword. She opened the screen carefully, though he would be aware of her presence, she knew. His eyes were turned towards the night sky, but they were unfocussed, his attention turned inwards towards the spiritual pressures he was sensing. Rukia tried to feel them too, but her own senses were almost entirely obscured by Byakuya's _reiatsu._

" I can't – _Nii-sama, _what's happening?"

"I don't know yet. Stay here."

"Let me come with you."

He moved with such impossible speed that she had no time to even sense his intention, but she was pinned suddenly against the wall. He wasn't hurting her, but he wasn't giving her a choice either:

"No. Did you feel that?"

"What?"

"The _reiatsu _of an officer-class _shinigami. _It disappeared. And a dozen or more weaker souls, too."

"Is it a hollow?"

"Within the _sereitei. _Like the others that have been appearing, but this one feels stronger._" _He released her and pointed back at the screen door: "Go inside."

"I am not your subordinate." It took her courage to press each word out, but she kept her voice level as if merely stating a fact: "I will report to Ukitake_."_

"You will respect me as the head of this family."

"Family!" she cried, and realised at once that she had over-stepped the mark. His eyes flashed with rare anger, and he pushed her up against the wall again:

"Why do you do this?"

"Let go!"

He let her go with a shove that pushed her back into the room:

"I ask one thing of you. One thing only: that you stay here tonight. No matter what you see, no matter what you hear, you stay here, and if I am not back by morning, report to Eighth Division. Kyoraku will know what to do."

"Wait!"

"What do you want, Rukia?" He had half-turned towards the stairs. Anger rolled off of him in waves that buffeted her as if given form.

"It's not a hollow, is it?" Suddenly, she understood. Something broke apart in the centre of her being: "It's Miyako."

"Yes." She sunk back against the door-frame, but her fingers twitched as if she would find the sword at her hip, even dressed in her night-clothes. Byakuya frowned. "Rukia, I will give you my word: if you stay here tonight, then the next time you ask me, I will let you go. Into the depths of hell if you so desire." She didn't answer. "I will come back," he promised: "As soon as it is over."

"Kaien-_dono?"_

"He was not amongst those I felt injured."

"Don't let him" – she began, then took a breath and finished the request in a lower voice – _"Nii-sama, _please don't let him die."

Byakuya nodded. His figure blurred against the background of the nightime garden and then he was gone. Rukia slowly slid to the floor.

It seemed to her that she waited forever that night. Now and again, she was able to pinpoint a specific comrade's _reiatsu, _but, for the most part, the spiritual pressures merged and blurred, indistinguishable at such a distance. They faded, moving away from the _sereitei _until she could no longer sense them. As the minutes turned into hours, she knew she could not afford to close her eyes or sleep. At all costs, she must not sleep.

She woke when Byakuya shook her gently. She was lying on the hard wood of the floor, just inside the open doorway where he had left her. Moonlight added a piercing clarity to the scene so that her brother's _haori _seemed to glow where it fell around his shoulders and across the floor. She raised her head, her body aching, but he spoke before she could collect her words:

"Miyako-_sama _is dead. It's over."

"Kaien-_dono?"_

"Ukitake wants to send a detatchment to find the hollow that did this. It had possessed her body. In that form, it killed fourteen _shinigami, _but we were unable to track it beyond the _sereitei. _Kaien intends to seek it out for himself tomorrow, but I fear he will be going against Ukitake's orders if he takes matters into his own hands."

She sat up:

"_Nii-sama, _I'm going with him."

Into the depths of hell, he had said. And there was nothing that he could do to stop her.


	3. Chapter 3

One of the hardest things that Rukia ever had to hear was the sound of Kaien begging his captain's permission to hunt the hollow that had killed his wife. At first, Ukitake tried to reason with him. He should wait, just days, just hours, until he could think straight. Nothing the older man said though could break through the storm of despair and hopeless anger that was consuming the younger. Ukitake fell into silence and still Kaien kept on, his pleas becoming more raw and desperate with each passing minute. Eventually, Ukitake stopped him:

"I'll send men out tomorrow, but, if you must confront it alone, I will not hold you in contempt."

If he answered, Rukia did not hear it. The next thing she knew, the door slammed open and Kaien strode out without glancing at her. Ukitake followed, pausing on the threshold to stare after his deputy. His pale blue eyes were sorrowful, and he didn't notice Rukia until she spoke:

"I'm going too."

He glanced down at her expression: her mouth set, her eyes dark. Everything in her stance suggested that she was ready to fight this one out if he made it a necessity, but he already knew that there was nothing he could do to change her mind:

"Yes. The three of us then. Arm yourself, Kuchiki. I think he means to leave at once."


	4. Chapter 4

It was dark when they left the compound, heading out into the hills and woodlands south of Rukongai. Night fell quickly beyond the lights of the _sereitei _and the air was damp and cool with the promise of winter. They walked in silence, Kaien leading. He never once looked back at the two people who followed him, but, whenever they reached a crossroads, he would stop and turn this way and that, like a wolf scenting the night air. He had fought the hollow in the early hours of the morning and was able to follow its _reiatsu. _The only energy that Rukia could feel, though, was his, turbulent and unchecked, unlike Ukitake's spiritual pressure, which was barely discernable under his tight control.

As they entered the pitch dark of the woods, Ukitake glanced at Rukia and she realised that she was already resting her hand on her sword. Her captain nodded pointedly at Kaien, striding up the hill in front of them, and she understood the message: it was his fight. She would not be expected to draw a blade unless it came down to her own defence. For the first time, she realised what they were doing here, and an icy splinter of doubt wormed its way into her stomach.

Kaien had chosen to fight alone. For him then, the important thing was not whether he lived or died, but that he faced it, and no-one else.

The path they had taken rose steeply, then disappeared entirely at the base of a rock wall. The trees here were vast with interlocking branches that provided hand and foot-holds in profusion. Kaien began to climb. It was not a difficult ascent and soon all three of them were standing on a branch so wide it didn't even bend beneath their weight. They were overlooking a clearing. It seemed that a giant's hand had scooped out the earth here, leaving walls of sharp rock on every side and a perfectly round crater, carpeted in long grass that rippled in the wind. On the far side of the clearing, a gaunt shadow marked out the mouth of a cave. Kaien glanced towards his captain.

"Yes. I feel it too," Ukitake said, answering the unvoiced question.

Kaien nodded then turned softer eyes on Rukia. In that instant, he looked like himself again. She was scared. She could try to hide it, but he would know. He reached out and gently brushed several strands of hair out of her face, and she thought that he would tell her not to worry because that was what he always told her. Not today though. He nodded, stepped forward off of the branch and, by a series of calculated leaps, negotiated the rocky wall down into the crater.

Ukitake laid his hand on Rukia's shoulder. Whether for comfort or restraint, she didn't know, but she watched in horror as the shadow on the far side of the clearing began to move, to sprout legs and scuttle forwards, as the hollow emerged from the cave.

It had the body of a spider with eight stunted, grey legs, each covered in leathery flesh and ending in sharp tips that dug into the ground as it moved. The bulk of its form was a vast, hanging abdomen, on which its mask rode like the afterthought of a lazy creator. This was, itself, formed of interlocking plates: two rings for the eyes and a series of geometric shapes for the cheeks and jaw. When it spoke, a broad, tapering pink tongue flicked out to lick its bone lips. Kaien's figure, with his sword drawn and ready, seemed hopelessly small.

"_Shinigami," _it hissed: "You've come to avenge the woman. How delightful. If I had known it would be this interesting, I might have kept her alive a little longer instead of consuming her so completely."

Kaien needed no more than that. He rushed forward with a snarl and sprung onto the demon's back. The stiff, runtish legs beneath its mask suddenly seemed to change, becoming flexible and soft. They curled around him like tentacles and, struggling to maintain his balance, Kaien was forced to cut through them, one after another. The creature's blood rushed out. Spattering his chest. It shrieked in pain and Rukia dared to hope. She had never seen him fight with such speed or ferocity. Or with such cold-hearted violence. His face was set, his intent unwavering. "Ah, _shinigami! Shinigami!" _it wailed, and then the howls dissolved into a hoarse cackle: "After consuming a soul, I am granted an opportunity," it screamed: "Do you know what that is?" It had wrapped one tentacle around Kaien's waist and now he stabbed the katana straight down into its soft body.

"Rupture - the seas and sky - Nejibana!"

A bright, smokey light enveloped Kaien as he released his sword and, briefly, Rukia lost sight of him. Yet, as the smoke cleared, she could see that he was still trapped, his body still wreathed by the tentacle, which was now dragging at him, bending him over backwards. He had his arms free, but there was no trace of his sword.

"I can absorb the soul-slayer of a _shinigami!" _shrieked the hollow: "So that is what your soul tastes like, Vice-Captain. I hunger for more. What will you do now?"

Rukia sprang forward. She was fast, but Ukitake was faster. He had hold of both her arms, and he jerked her back onto the branch with him, turning her to face him. She could have struggled, but Juushiro was so gentle a man that this small act stilled her. She stared into his marble face. His eyes reflected her own fears back at her, but he did not release her:

"Rukia, there are two kinds of fight in this world. There are those to protect life and those to protect honour. He is fighting for honour: his own and his wife's. If you go to him now, he will never forgive you." He let her go, and she stepped backwards, her gaze drawn inevitably back to the battle below them. Kaien had freed himself. He was unarmed now, but fighting as if possessed. He tore apart the demon's soft tentacles with his own hands, sending fountains of gore spurting into his face. He was, she realised, entirely unrecognisable now, and she watched numbly as another thick tentacle swung around, knocking him off his feet. He was thrown into the rocks beneath them.

He wants to die, she thought. He means to die.

Her mind shut down over the words and she became intensely aware of small details, of the tight grip she had on her own wrist, as if she were holding herself back, of the light shower of rain that had started in the high treetops. And which was now tapping out a delicate rhythm on the leaves all around her. The hollow howled. She barely saw Kaien rise to his feet below her, but she saw the demon turn towards him.

A clutch of tendrils burst from its mouth, neither liquid nor solid, spilling out across the clearing. Before her eyes, it seemed to deflate, the arachnid abdomen shrinking and dissolving. Its mask fell away, clattering to the ground just as the tendrils struck Kaien. He had raised his arms to protect his face. She watched in horror as the ethereal substance surged directly into his wrists, into the two centres of spiritual energy there. And vanished.

"Kaien-_dono!"_

He stood beneath her, perfectly still, then lowered his arms.

The hollow's body had disintegrated, leaving nothing but dust in the grass. "Kaien-_dono!" _she called again. Beside her, Ukitake had stiffened, and she knew that it was far from over. All she wanted was for him to turn towards her. To reassure her: "Kaien-_dono!"_

Kaien Shiba leaned back, looking straight up into her face:

"What is it, Little Girl?"

His features had warped into a grey mask. His eyes were gone. In their place, two rings of lurid orange bone outlined holes into his skull. When he opened his mouth to speak, a pink tongue flapped out over grey lips: "Are you scared?"

Instinctively, she drew her sword.

He jumped up, landing in a crouch on a branch just metres above her head: "Little Girl!"

"Kaien_-dono!"_

"Do I frighten you?"

"Stop it!" She heard the layers of resistance break down in her voice. The words came out in a wail. Ukitake's hand dug into her shoulder, his fingers like claws. He had drawn his own sword and now he leaned in close to her face:

"Run, Rukia," he commanded her: "Run now and do not look back."

He shoved her backwards and she fell, catching herself on the branch below. Perched there, she heard a terrible cackle, then the sound of branches snapping as something broke through them to her left:

"Come back, Girl!"

"No, you don't!" snarled Ukitake.

She ran.

She went from branch to branch, her feet barely touching them, until she touched the ground and started to sprint. It was a steep descent, but she barely noticed the treacherous path, all her instincts attuned to the two _reiatsu _behind her. The path before her levelled out. She was running over grass now, towards the next shadowy strand of woodland.

The chase, it seemed, was over. Her every step was taking her further from the two _reiatsu. _In her haste, she slipped and fell, but was up and running again, the rain stinging her face, carrying away the tears that she realised, only now, were coursing unchecked down her cheeks.

What was she doing?

She had come here to help Kaien, not to watch him die. Now, she was abandoning both him and her captain.

She slowed down, slipping again. The path she had taken was beginning to turn into a stream of mud, winding down the hillside between stones and clumps of grass. She turned, staring back up the way she had come.

Ukitake's spiritual pressure was apaprent now. To Rukia, it felt strong and clear, a weapon wielded with confidence. The other _reiatsu _was, she realised with horror, still undeniably Kaien's, but to recognise it was to catch a glimpse of a face through moving shadows. It was stained with something so dark and so alien that to even let herself sense it fully was to feel it start to infect her. No, she would not leave him. She could not bear the shame of returning to her brother only to tell him that she had run away. She started back up the slope.

It was hard to keep her footing in the pouring rain, but the ground levelled out at last. Her feet splashed in puddles that reached her shins as she jogged back, her sword held level at her side. There was still fear, but, if she died tonight, then she would die defending the things that mattered: Ukitake, Kaien, her honour as a member of the _Gotei _Thirteen. She would not run, she swore. For all that it cost her, she would not run again.

As the trees thinned though, she felt an icy hand clamp down over her gut. Ukitake was standing in the clearing, bent double, his body racked by a fit of coughing. She had seen him so only a few times before, and its cause was the sickness that waisted his body. At times like this, even with a will like iron, he had no control over it. His physical frailties overrode his spiritual strength. Even from here, she could see that he was coughing blood into one cupped hand.

Kaien was laughing at his captain's helplessness as Ukitake collapsed to his knees. Rukia saw all this and yet, despite herself, her legs continued to carry her forward into the clearing. Both men looked up, as her common sense caught up with her determination and she slid to a halt, her legs slick with mud beneath her _hakama_.

"Ru- Rukia! No!" Ukitake cried between hacking coughs. Kaien grinned:

"I knew you would come back. I knew you would come back to me!" He started towards her and his speed was monstrous. Effortlessly, he launched himself into the air, arms spread out as he reached for her. He knew that she could do nothing. He knew that she was rigid with fear, that the sensation of Kaien's presence, twisted and stained by the _reiatsu _of a hollow was enough to overwhelm her. He knew that she would rather die now than survive another moment in his presence. And he knew these things because he was Kaien Shiba, the man who had trained her, befriended her and guided her when she'd had nothing else in her life but uncertainties.

And she would wonder, forever after, what part of her made her raise her sword in both hands: the part that stood trembling, ensnared by emotions, or the part that pushed all sentiments aside, leaving only muscles and sinews trained to kill without mercy. Whichever part of her took control in that moment, it was gone an instant later, when the sound of her blade punching through flesh and blood and bone was followed by the sudden impact of his body against hers. Those outstretched arms never closed around her. The weight that fell into her arms as she let go of her sword was a familiar one, although she had never, in all their years together, had cause to hold him.

She let go of the sword and twisted her hands into the black robe on his back, bracing her body against his weight. A small sigh escaped him. She felt his breath on her neck and, as he spoke, she realised that he was returning her embrace. A strange shiver of hope ran through her because he held her so tightly. None of his strength had faded. Holding him, her face against his shoulder, breathing in the smell of him. She could see Ukitake approaching them. Why did he walk so slowly? Why was he not going for help? "Thank you, Kuchiki," Kaien whispered, his breath still hot against her neck: "This must have been unbearable for you." His hand brushed her hair.

But he was no longer warm, she realised, save at the point where his chest was touching hers. His blood had soaked into the front of her uniform, from her collar to her knees. It was the only thing that still carried any heat in this downpour. And then that too began to fade. His fingers on the back of her neck were cold: "Thank you. At least, I can leave my heart with you."

His hand fell away. One soft breath against her neck.

She held him tight. Shook him once. Then she opened her mouth to tell him no, but all that came out was a wordless scream, dissolving into a sob. It was the first time she had ever cried that way.

It was as if she could break the whole world apart with her emotion. Every sound that broke from her lips was a denial of this: his body folded over hers, and the rain still falling in living rivers all about them. It was the first time she had ever cried that way. And it would also be the last. She would not feel like this again, not if she lived a thousand years.

In a woodland, in the rain. This, she thought, was where her world fractured.


	5. Chapter 5

**If you enjoyed this story, please keep reading as it will continue in "ONLY THE RAIN," which I will upload to my profile shortly after posting this. :)**

**All my thanks and appreciation to regular readers:**

**Shadewolf7, Truantpony, ForbiddenME, Pinky357, Immortal Vows, Chellythemadhatter, Insomniatic95, Sallythedestroyerofworlds23, UNTensaZangetsu, XDark FangsX, Superlynx, Ichigoforeverlove, Ennaalemap, Makaykay15, Kaze05, Splash into Forever, War90, Yellowwomanonthebrink, Bakane, Night Flower, Hallmarktrinity, Tiffany Park, Snowcrystals, Neristhaed, Splitheart1120, VanillaTwilight4, Nightfur, Happykiller93, Haildance and Ani-mimi.**

**And everyone else who is reading and reviewing. THANK YOU!**


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